Get Junior to stop co-sleeping

By Dr Richard C. Woolfson

Your baby has been co-sleeping (also known as “sleep sharing”) in the family bed since birth but now you think it is time to move him to his own. Bear in mind that this is a huge change for your four-year-old – perhaps greater that you realise – and that the transition to sleep independence needs sensitive handling.

In most instances, children move into their own beds at this age without much difficulty, as long as they are given full support from their parents. Before you start, though, be clear about why you have decided to end co-sleeping – this will help ensure you follow your plans through to completion. For instance, you may have decided that it’s time because he’s grown so big that there’s no space for you and Hubby, or that you want greater marital privacy.

Some parents worry unnecessarily that if they let their child sleep in the family bed, he will develop psychological problems later. There is no research to support this view. Whatever the reason that motivates you to make the change, focus on that – especially when your child resists.

When you do decide to stop co-sleeping, you’ll find the following action plan helpful.
• Be honest Tell him you intend to move him into his own bedroom next week. Explain that you think he is old enough to sleep in his own bed because he is a “big boy” now, just like all his pals. Say to him that you know he may find this a bit strange at first but that he’ll very quickly like the new arrangement.

• Get him involved Engage your four-year-old in organising his own room. He should carry all his cuddly toys from your bed, along with all his pyjamas. Take him with you to choose bed sheets and accessories, so that he feels connected to his new bedroom. Talk positively during your shopping trips and designing discussions.

• Make him comfortable Once you have set a specific date for the move – and don’t alter that, no matter how much he protests – familiarise your child with his bedroom a few days before. Encourage him to play with his toys while he is in there or have a snack there while reading a book. Then the surroundings won’t seem strange to him.

• Stay firm Make it clear that your decision is non-reversible, even if he is less than delighted with the arrangement. Reassure him that he will sleep well. Don’t expect too much from him too soon, however. He might be upset during the first few nights and try to persuade you to change your mind. Stick to your plan.

• Keep your goals in mind The first few weeks after the transition begins is very important. That’s the time when your four-year-old will probably put up his strongest challenge in the hope of returning to co-sleeping with you. Don’t give in. Remind yourself that separate bedrooms are in everybody’s best interests.

• Bend the rules sometimes Once co-sleeping has long become a thing of the past, be flexible enough to consider it again under specific circumstances. For instance, when your child is ill, co-sleeping for a night could give him that psychological boost to help him along the road to recovery. And one-off occasions won’t do him any harm.