Her concerns about popularity in school


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By Richard C. Woolfson

Your six-year-old’s worst social nightmare has just turned into reality – there’s a new “it” girl in town. Before the newcomer arrived, your kid was the most popular girl in the class. But that’s all changed now. Whether it’s the “it” girl’s clothes, music, gadgets, or speech habits that are the cause of her instant fame and popularity, it really doesn’t matter.

All that matters to your child right now is that she is no longer number one. She comes home tearful each day, telling you how miserable she feels in school, perhaps even criticising the new Miss Popular every way she can. She has to learn that life goes on despite this minor setback.

YOU’RE STILL GREAT
A good place to start is by reminding her that she is the same wonderful person she was before the recent change in social ranking. She is still fun to be with, has a good sense of humour, kind and considerate, and reliable and honest.

The fact that there is a new kid on the block doesn’t change any of that at all. Pointing this out to your six-year-old will help restore her self-esteem and boost her confidence.

Talk about the implication of this social change. Ask her what it actually means from her point of view. Does she feel the new girl has taken her friends from her? Is she worried that her own popularity will dip as a result of the newcomer’s high social standing? Does she feel that she is personally responsible for losing her place at the top of the class popularity list?

Explore these and any other potential concerns that could be troubling her. Listen respectfully to what she has to say, offering supportive reassurance wherever possible. Let her know that you understand how seriously she feels about this matter.

LET’S BE FRIENDS
Maybe she is simply jealous of the other girl’s clothes, toys and appeal? Your child won’t want to admit to such feelings even if your question has hit the nail right on the head. Nobody likes to think that they are envious. It may help for you to say that many children would feel jealous of a new student who gains instant popularity, and that you wouldn’t be surprised if she felt that way too.

Whatever the reason, there is plenty of guidance you can offer, as well as providing her with strong reassurance that she will be just as well-liked as before.

Advise your child to continue to spend time with her close friends during and after kindergarten, even if they are friendly with the new girl as well. Her social life at home and in school should continue as normal.

Make it clear that she definitely shouldn’t criticise the other girl, no matter how negatively she feels towards her – such remarks would only backfire and show your child in a bad light, which in turn would make her feel worse. Instead she should talk positively about her.

Lastly, encourage her to make friends with the new girl. She may be horrified at such a suggestion, but don’t let her avoid following through on this. The reality is that the newcomer probably deserves her popularity and the chances are that she will be an excellent pal. Encourage your child to turn this perceived threat into an opportunity to make a new and possibly long-term friendship.

From Young Parents issue

Her concerns about popularity in school

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