Instill perseverance in Junior

By Dr Richard C. Woolfson

Your six-year-old always seems so enthusiastic whenever she starts a new project. Sadly, that excitement soon ebbs and she rarely, if ever, finishes them. Her bedroom is full of half-completed jigsaws, drawing that are incomplete, and school assignments that didn’t make the due date.

And then there are the activities that tailed off too quickly, like the time you arranged music lessons and bought her a flute because she assured you she was so keen to learn – only to find she totally gave up on the whole idea within a couple of weeks. Her inability to see something from start to completion both frustrates and upsets you. Maybe it is time to help her change, so that she develops greater determination to succeed.

GET THE LOWDOWN
Resist the temptation to criticise her poor finishing ability, no matter how much this irritates you, as that undermines her self-confidence. Instead, chat openly about your concerns.

Start with the most recent example of this behaviour – for instance, the new photo album she was going to create with pictures from her birthday party. Ask her how the project is coming along, even though you know it has ground to a halt.

Then ask her why she hasn’t completed the album. Allow her time to give you her reasons (for instance, she couldn’t decide what to include, she couldn’t get all the pictures she wanted or she became distracted by another task).

When she tells you that she hasn’t done much more about it, explain that you have noticed this happens a lot and that she would have much more fun if she completed projects. Add that you want to help her finish everything she starts. Chances are she is as frustrated as you by her lack of persistence, and she’ll grab your offer of support with both hands.

THE GROUND RULES
Agree with your child that, from now on, she does as follows:
• ANALYSE THE PROJECT Before starting, she should think about whether it is possible to complete it, and if she has the necessary resources. There’s no point in taking on something that’s beyond her.
• SET A DEADLINE Every new project should not be open-ended. The timeline should be no longer than a week, and she should aim to meet all deadlines.
• LIMIT THE PROJECTS She should not be allowed to take on more than one new project at a time. Far better for her to concentrate all her efforts on one idea.
• DISCUSS PROGRESS This involves regular updates on her achievements, as well as the challenges. That way, you can help her overcome any problem she meets along the way.
• MAKE THE CONSEQUENCES CLEAR Explain that she will not be allowed to give up early and that she is required to draw each activity to a conclusion. This will encourage her to think more carefully before taking on new projects.

Once these new rules have been agreed, the next stage is to implement them. Probably less than a couple of weeks will pass before your kid comes up with a new idea. Remind her of what you have agreed on, and make sure that she does the preparatory work before taking on the assignment.

Determine the deadline, and then off she goes. The new structure, with its built-in timeline and progress, will help her reach completion – and she’ll be delighted when that happens.