Mistakes that new parents make


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By Dr Richard C. Woolfson

You find yourself trying too hard to be the parents who never make an error.
Try this Accept that there are some things you won’t get right the first time. Instead of feeling guilty because, say, you weren’t able to soothe your crying baby as quickly as you wanted, learn from the experience. That way, you will be better able to cope the next time she becomes upset.

You find yourself neglecting your spouse because baby care is so demanding.

Try this Of course, looking after the new arrival absorbs so much of your time. Yet, you should also remember your relationship with your partner is very important, too. Make sure you invest time, so that you have good communication and that you share your thoughts and feelings with each other.

You find yourself putting yourself last.

Try this If you don’t give time and attention to your own needs, you’ll eventually find that your confidence fades, you are constantly tired and always feel under pressure. Not putting yourself last means ensuring you have adequate rest breaks, that you get support from others and that you have some “me time”.

You find yourself refusing to listen to any advice and suggestion from other parents.

Try this There is absolutely no harm in following tips from other experienced parents – that’s much better than refusing to listen altogether. Bear in mind, though, that you don’t have to take the advice. That’s entirely up to you. At least, listening will give you some new parenting ideas and options to consider.

You find yourself listening to too much advice from others.

Try this Other people with more experience may have very interesting suggestions, but that doesn’t make them right. Never be persuaded to follow someone’s advice when you don’t feel comfortable with the suggestion. In the end, you are the parent and you have to make your own choices.

You find yourself making unfavourable self-comparisons with other parents.

Try this It’s only natural that you look at the way your friends manage their babies and then compare yourself with them. And no matter how confident you are, there will always be one parent whom you feel is better and more effective than you. When that negative comparison occurs, don’t let it get you down.

You find yourself refusing baby care help from others.

Try this Every parent needs help sometimes, whether from her spouse, friends or relatives. That can give a very welcome break, even if just for half an hour. Accepting help isn’t a sign of weakness. So the next time your in-laws offer to let you nap for an hour while they take care of the baby, say yes happily.

You find yourself insisting that only Mummy and Daddy can bond with her.

Try this Your baby is capable of forming a strong emotional attachment with several different loving adults. Forming a close psychological attachment with, say, Grandma or Grandpa doesn’t in any way weaken your baby’s relationship with you.

You find yourself underestimating your impact on your child’s development.

Try this You are the greatest influence on her growth and development. The way you hold her, play with her and calm her has a profound effect on the way your baby thrives. So think very carefully about your interactions; never trivialise your role in her growth.

You find yourself not enjoying the first year of parenthood.

Try this Raising your baby is psychologically demanding, emotionally stressful and physically exhausting. But it’s also great fun at times. So, make sure you enjoy all those special moments when you and your new arrival are with each other. Laugh together and enjoy each other’s company.

From Young Parents issue

Mistakes that new parents make

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