Will she be a tomboy?


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By Dr Richard C. Woolfson

Every family is different; every child is different. So much depends on you, your child and the number and gender of her siblings.

If your four-year-old is the “rose among thorns” – that’s the everyday term often used to describe a girl with older brothers – you probably have a number of questions running through your mind. For instance: How should I raise her? Will she turn out to be a tomboy? What positive qualities will her brothers give her? Your concerns are only natural. After all, the youngest sister raised alongside three older brothers is quite different from, say, the eldest brother raised alongside three younger sisters. A more positive question to consider is: How do I bring up my daughter as a unique individual, so that she achieves her full potential?

Parenting is about encouraging the maximum development of each child, regardless of gender or place in the family. Your challenge is to recognise the individual traits, abilities and interests of your daughter, and then ensure that her full range of needs are met.

LET HER DECIDE

Like all youngest children, she runs the risk of being last in line for everything – pushed to the back by her older siblings. So, make a specific point of allowing her to choose the TV programme to watch sometimes, or the destination for the family outing.

Although she is the “baby” of the family, she still likes to be involved in decision-making. And, likewise, it’s important to let her develop her own interests and abilities, even when that isn’t entirely convenient.

For instance, if her three older brothers are learning to play the piano, life would be much easier for you if she wants to play that musical instrument, too (because the costs may be lower and lessons won’t be as difficult to organise). But perhaps she would prefer to learn the flute or violin. So, if possible, don’t constrain her individuality as a result of the choices and preferences made by her siblings.

TAKE CARE OF MEI-MEI

Boys or not, she has a right to be treated sensitively and with consideration by them. That’s why you should step in immediately if you suspect that she is badly treated by any of her brothers (whether teased, bullied or simply excluded).Talk to the siblings about the way they treat one another, give them minor caring responsibilities (for instance, to work in pairs to put the toys away) and plan activities that involve all of them. Although living with older brothers will increase your youngest child’s familiarity with rough-and-tumble, adventurous and risk-taking play, she is unlikely to become a tomboy simply because she has male siblings.

There are plenty of tomboys with no brothers at all, and plenty of girls who have no interest in tomboy activities even though they have many brothers. What matters is that your daughter has lots of opportunities to play with girls her own age (as well as boys, of course). She should be allowed to choose girls’ clothes and not be expected to wear her brothers’ hand-me-downs. Give her a broad range of traditional “girl” toys as well as those items her siblings no longer play with, and the privacy a girl would normally have at home. Bear in mind, anyway, that there are also lots of potential benefits that older brothers may bring to a youngest sister. For a start, she learns from their experience and advice, which becomes especially useful when she reaches school age, she’ll always have at least one older sibling to share her thoughts and feelings with, and she will be surrounded by boys who love, protect and look out for her (even if they do fight with each other sometimes). These can only be good!

From Young Parents issue

Will she be a tomboy?

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