It’s our Back to School issue!

The new school year may hail big changes for your child. Experts share what you can expect at every stage.

OUR EXPERTS
• Patricia Koh is the founder and director of Pat’s Schoolhouse.
• Anita Wilks is a head teacher at Lorna Whiston Schools.
• Alan Yip is the founder and master trainer of Mind Edge Learning Academy.
• Dr Ng Pan Wei is the author of PSLE Survival Guide for the Family.
• Adam Khoo is the founder and peak performance trainer of Adam Khoo Learning Technologies.

HE’S STARTING PRESCHOOL
Mummy, don’t go
It’s nice to feel needed, but not when your toddler hangs on to you like a suckerfish at the school gate. Behaviour like this is a sign of separation anxiety, Patricia Koh explains.

Going to preschool may be the first time he has to be separated from you for long hours. Naturally, he’s worried that you’re going to disappear and not return. So talk to him about the fun things he will like doing at school. Then explain that you will come back for him at the end of the day. And make sure you’re not late picking him up – you have to prove that you can be trusted to return.

Generally, most children are happily playing two minutes after the parents leave, Anita Wilks points out. But it’s you who often feel guilty the whole day. Your anxieties are easily transferred to your child, so it is important to remain unruffled. Reassure him – and yourself – that this new experience will be a positive one.

HE’LL BE IN KINDERGARTEN
No more babying
Your child may be expected to act more “grown up” when he starts kindergarten. Some schools are very play-based during the nursery stages, but become more academically focused in the kindergarten years, explains Anita.

To help him cope, build up confidence in his oral and listening skills. Take him out on excursions, even if it’s just to the shops near your home, and talk about the things that you see. This widens his exposure and prepares him for the broader topics that will be covered at school. Make sure he has access to books that he can read on his own, and read to him regularly, too.

It’s also important to encourage him to write more. There are loads of fun ways to help him enjoy this, like writing cards, captions for pictures, short notes to family members or short diary entries.

He may have trouble adjusting to less play and more work initially, but Patricia thinks there is no need for parents to worry. A child should be developmentally ready to sit for longer periods of time and focus on detailed work by the age of five.

HE’S GOING INTO PRIMARY 1
I’m so small
Everything from the buildings to the older kids will seem big to your child. He may feel lost when walking around the school, and be worried about the older kids bullying him.

If he’s reluctant to go to school, tearful upon his return, or becomes sullen, rebellious and difficult, don’t assume that he is being naughty. It may indicate that something is wrong, cautions Anita.

He may feel that he’s not living up to your expectations if he complains or expresses his fear, so you should always encourage him to talk about his day. Ask about what he has done and get to know his friends.

HE’S NOW IN PRIMARY 3
Play catch
Catch up, that is. If he’s behind in his studies, be supportive. Shared learning is always more productive when studying difficult things, says Anita. So, try solving maths problems together.

Alan Yip suggests identifying your child’s weak areas, and prioritising revision for the ones that will definitely be tested in the exams. It’s important that he takes control and not let the materials overwhelm him.

Get your child to teach you – it reinforces his understanding of the subject. He might also find it useful to study with his friends for peer support.

Don’t forget exercise, which is a great stress reliever. Take him cycling or play ball games to let off steam. Time to relax is just as essential as time for studying.

IT’S PSLE YEAR!
Trash the stress
Exams do not cause stress, says Adam Khoo. Rather, it is your child’s response to the exam that causes stress. A kid with a positive attitude is likely to cope better and achieve higher grades in the exams than a child who thinks: “I can’t do it.”

Look for signs that he is not coping well, says Dr Ng Pan Wei. Don’t brush off any behaviour that’s out of character. Your alarm bells should start ringing if he is sleeping more than usual, becomes very irritable, throws tantrums or asks questions that seek reassurance, such as “Can I get this score?” or “What if I do not do well?”

Adam suggests encouraging your child to use positive self-talk that will lead to an optimistic attitude. Get him to say “I’ll do it” instead of “I’ll try”, and “I plan” instead of “I hope”.

Do some soul searching yourself, too. Are you the cause of his stress? Don’t give him the impression that exam results are the be all and end all. Focus more on his behaviour and not the results, and assure him that he is a success as long as he tries his best. Make sure he knows that you love him no matter how well he does.

(to be continued…)

Read the December 2011 issue of Young Parents for the full story and more expert advice to make you a better mum or dad.