How to deflect nosy questions about baby

Three witty parents share how you can deflect nosy questions from friends and relatives.

Three witty parents share how you can deflect nosy questions from friends and relatives.

“So when are you going to try for Baby No. 2?

NEIL HUMPHREYS “When you’ve got champagne in the house already, you don’t save up and work hard to buy flat lemonade.”

BENJAMIN "MR MIYAKI" LEE “Oh, thanks for reminding us! (Looks at watch) Right about now, actually! Do you mind lending us your bed? Kitchen also can. That worked the last time.”

JAIME TEO “We want to stay true to our Chinese roots and follow China’s one child policy. That, or when the Baby Bonus increases!”


Eh, how come she doesn’t look like the both of you?”

NEIL “We’ve both had Botox.”

BENJAMIN “That’s because he’s much better-looking.”

JAIME “It’s weird... At certain times of the day, she does; at other times, she doesn’t. Now, she doesn’t.”


Aiyoh, your baby is nursing so much, she must not be getting enough milk.

NEIL “She gets plenty. She’s just obsessed with breasts. She takes after her father.”

BENJAMIN “He’s getting enough – he’s just trying to help Mummy lose weight.”

JAIME “Look at her size! Of course she’s getting enough milk.” 


“Can I carry the baby?” 
(The truth: You’re uncomfortable handing your precious one to grand auntie, who’s drenched in perfume.)

NEIL “Sure, but you’re wearing new clothes and she’s struggling with wind. When she farts, the smell lingers like an open sewer in the midday sun. Still want to hold her?”

BENJAMIN “He’s not feeling well and might vomit all over you without warning.”

JAIME “She cries easily... Maybe later when she’s more familiar with the surroundings. By the way, what perfume are you wearing? It’s very distinctive!”


So how much do you earn to afford that $2,000 stroller?”

NEIL “It was actually $50 on eBay. Who’s the smart one?”

BENJAMIN “It’s only $1,650.”

JAIME “That hand-me-down? Let me go ask the people who bought it.”

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