Second Thoughts

Marketing manager Agnes Soh found herself pregnant with her second child when her daughter was only six months old. The 35-year-old and her husband had planned on having more children, but not that soon. Still, they decided to let Nature take its course.

“With my first pregnancy, I had mild morning sickness in the early months. After that, I felt well until the last few weeks because of the weight of the baby. But when I was expecting the second time around, I was feeling sick and tired all through the nine months,” recalls Agnes.

Her second daughter was born three weeks early and weighed 2.5kg, compared to her older daughter, who was born full-term at 3.2kg.

Too much too soon
For the well-being of the mother and the baby, Dr Lai Fon Min, an obstetrician & gynaecologist in private practice, says that women should give themselves time to fully recover from their previous pregnancy before trying for another baby. Their bodies also need to have enough time to stock up on sufficient maternal nutrients for the next baby.

“Babies who are born too soon after the previous pregnancy have a higher risk of being born prematurely, with lower birth weight or they are smaller for their gestational age,’ says Dr Lai.

According to doctors, a possible explanation is that these mothers have not fully recovered from the stresses of their previous pregnancies, breastfeeding, not to mention from having to care for a helpless young infant – all of which are emotionally and physically draining.

Similarly, women who wait too long – more than five years – before getting pregnant again are likely to face the same risks. This is because they would be older and physically weaker, and this too has an impact on the health of their babies.

“Firstly, a mother who is in poor health may have difficulties conceiving again. If she does, she is more likely to suffer from morning sickness and vomiting. And if the health is not good, this can affect her baby,” adds Dr Lai.

Healthy mum, healthy baby
“In terms of the health and well-being of mother and baby, a gap of about 18 months and five years would give the woman sufficient time to get back her health before getting pregnant again,” advises Dr Lai.

Psychiatrist Dr Bryan Yeo says that if the age gap between your children is wider, say five years, they will still be close as siblings, with the older child taking on the role of “big brother” or “big sister.” In time, they will be playmates when the younger sibling is old enough.

He thinks the more major consideration is the mother’s career. “If you’re a working mother, you may want to complete your family sooner so that you can get on with your career.”

Prep your body

Women who want to have another baby should adopt a healthy lifestyle, says Dr Lai Fon Min, an obstetrician & gynaecologist.

This means you should:
- Exercise regularly
- Stop smoking
- Eat a well-balanced diet
- Take and folic acid and iron supplements in preparation for the demands of pregnancy.

“Even if you don’t get pregnant, folic acid is known to decrease your risk of heart attack,” says Dr Lai. Folic acid should be taken up till the end of the first trimester to prevent neural tube defects such as spina bifida, which although rare, can have devastating effects on the child.

A tale of two mothers
Only 11 months apart

Aishah Abdullah shudders when she thinks back to the time when her two children, born only 11 months apart, were young. Only their families and close friends knew about her second pregnancy.

“My husband and I were embarrassed that I was caught with a second child so soon, and we didn’t tell many people about it,” laughs the 34-year-old child-care teacher. “It was a nightmare taking care of an infant and a toddler at the same time. Often, my husband came home from work in the evening to find the babies and me crying.”

However, she adds, the kids became great playmates for each other as they were growing up and now, in their teens, they are still very close.

Blessing in disguise

Catherine Lee and her husband started trying for a second child soon after their older one turned one. “We thought a two-year age gap would be ideal because then they would be good company for each other,” explains the 35-year-old assistant human resource manager.

Baby No. 2 took longer than they expected. Says Catherine, “But on hindsight, this worked out better because when my son Andrew was born three months ago, my daughter was almost three years old. She was more mature and could vocalise her needs and feelings; and was old enough to understand about having another baby in the family”.

“Also, she was more independent and walking by the time I was pregnant. She didn’t want me to carry her as much as she’d have wanted me to if she had been younger.

“Still, she is now a little more clingy after her brother was born, so I try to make her feel special by spending time with just her alone. I think it’s more manageable for me and the maid with this bigger age gap between my two children, especially now that I’m back at work.”