Question: Our 5-year-old is always comparing himself with his friends and older brother, saying he can’t jump as high as Timmy or that David reads better. How can I boost his self-confidence?

Answer: Comparisons of this sort are usually unproductive – no matter how capable your son is, there will always be someone who he thinks is more capable – so you are right to tackle this problem now. Perhaps his confidence is low at the moment because of something specific, such as a difficult learning challenge in class or lack of success at games, and that this is only a temporary dip. Whatever the explanation, consider the following suggestions:

Is it possible that you, your partner, your older son or your son’s teachers compare him to others? If so, discourage this whenever you see it arise.

Encourage your five-year-old to recognise his personal strengths, skills and abilities. The more you spell these out to him, the more he will start to value himself.

Praise his achievements, however big or small they are. This focuses his attention on what he can do.

Respond to all his peer-comparisons by explaining that you don’t care what others do, only what he does.

If you take this approach consistently, which emphasis him as an individual and not how well he compares to others, he will gradually change to a more positive perspective