You can raise a disciplined child without resorting to the rotan (cane). Dr Melanie Storry Chan, a psychologist and director of VanSing Educational & Psychological Consultants, offers the following alternatives.
2 / 8 Set up a naughty chair or timeout cornerLoad more
The child must stay there for five to 10 minutes on her own. It allows her to think about what she has done.
4 / 8 Explain why the behaviour is unacceptableLoad more
For example, if she throws a tantrum because she does not want to do her homework, find out why. After that, go through with her the possible scenarios that will happen because of that. For instance: “Oh, then you can’t get another lovely star from your teacher, right?”
5 / 8 Do it overLoad more
This is like role-play. If the child whines “Give me a drink! I’m thirsty!”, you can reply: “That was not a polite way to ask – do it over”. This gives the child an opportunity to think about her earlier behaviour and choose a more appropriate approach.
6 / 8 Reward good behaviourLoad more
Give her a star every time she behaves, so she can stick it up on a chart. This will not only make her feel good about herself, but also assure her that you are pleased with her behaviour.
7 / 8 If you must caneLoad more
Geraldine Tan, chief psychologist with The Therapy Room, has worked with parents who use the cane “as a last resort”. Here is her advice on when to cane or not:
When you are angry The child only sees that you have lost control of the situation, and fails to understand why she is punished. The mistake is, therefore, very likely to occur again, leading to further confusion and a vicious cycle.
When you try to instil fear The child will begin to view aggression as the only solution to problems. She will also grow up angry and rebellious.
8 / 8 Explain the reason for caningLoad more
Explain the reason for the punishment The child needs to understand why she is being punished, and why with the cane.
Ensure consistency. Establish an agreement with your spouse, parents and the child’s caregiver on the consistency of the caning. For example, if he throws a tantrum, he will receive a scolding. If he pushes a classmate, he will be caned. Otherwise, the child will learn not to respect caning as a form of discipline.
Only when you can control the intensity of the force Avoid using a belt or a whip, or an item that you feel may inflict great pain.