Share a bed or room with baby? It can kill your marriage

June 30, 2016
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    Do you and your spouse sleep in separate rooms when Baby arrives? Some find that it’s easier for Mummy to breastfeed the newborn, and Daddy gets a good night’s rest without Baby’s crying.

    Dr Greg Smalley, author and marriage expert, frowns upon this arrangement. He shares his thoughts with Young Parents.

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    Dr Smalley: The greatest advice that I ever received when we had our first baby is that your child is “part” of your family, not the “centre” of your family. 

    Certainly, it takes a tremendous amount of time to care for a young baby. But, we’ve to make decisions on caring for our kids that don’t compromise our marriage, or the risk is that the child becomes the most important member of the family. Don’t let this happen.

    The greatest gift we can give our children is a strong marriage. The marriage is always more important than the child.

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    Dr Smalley: As a father of four, I understand that a baby requires a lot of time. However, our marriage can’t suffer based on how we care for our children.

    In parenting, the goal is to create balance between the needs of a baby and the needs of the couple’s relationship.

    If you’re co-sleeping with your baby, my advice is to move him back into his own room. It might be a difficult transition at first, but your baby will get used to it.

    The couple needs to be in the same room so that they can use that privacy to keep their marriage strong.

    Related: Marriage after baby: 7 ways to prevent conflicts

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    Dr Smalley: A great marriage doesn’t happen by accident – it requires time together. Research shows that how a couple says goodnight can keep a marriage strong. In other words, some of the best time that a married couple has is right before they go to bed together. 

    They are able to have physical intimacy, conversation, affection, etc. These things will keep a marriage strong. Don’t give up this precious time simply to allow your child to sleep in your bed. 

    You have to fight to keep your marriage strong. It’s easy to allow your child to keep sleeping in the same bed, but this won’t help keep your marriage strong. My wife and I have four children and we never allowed them to sleep in our bed. 

    (Photos: 123RF.com)

    Related: Baby sleeping in bed with you? Know the health risks

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    Dr Smalley: You have to fight to keep your marriage strong. It’s easy to allow your child to keep sleeping in the same bed, but this won’t help keep your marriage strong.

    My wife and I have four children and we never allowed them to sleep in our bed.

    (Photos: 123RF.com)

    Related: Baby sleeping in bed with you? Know the risks

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