The emotional recovery from a miscarriage is painful for both mum and dad.
If you have a pal who has lost a baby, skip jolly statements like “You’re still young, you can always try again”, Dr Cornelia Chee, a director and senior consultant at the Women’s Emotional Health Service at National University Hospital advises.
Don’t try to rationalise things for the couple, too, adds Dr Tony Tan, a specialist in obstetrics and gynaecology and also a consultant at Raffles Women’s Centre.
Avoid giving advice or probable reasons why the miscarriage occurred (“It’s the coffee that you’ve been drinking” or “I told you not to smoke/drink”).
Very often, such reasons may not be scientific and, worse, may actually cause the husband and wife to blame themselves or each other for the miscarriage.
“A sentence like ‘It was not meant to be’ is not necessarily a bad thing to say, as long as it can be perceived in an empathic way,” says Dr Chee.
If in doubt, stick with your feelings and show empathy.
You can say: “I’m sorry about your loss; I don’t know what to say” or “I’ll never know what you’re going through, but I’m here for you if you need me” or “Let me know what would be most helpful for you right now”.